Siyappa Of Arranged Marriage!

What's your in-hand salary?

Do you have a car?

Do you have a flat of your own?

Well, these are the most important questions for a prospective groom in an arranged marriage setting, as if answering these would decide how the rest of the marriage conversation would go. I mean, a more independent person is supposed to take care of an 'independent, courageous woman' for the rest of her life. Agreed, it is important! But, the problem starts here. 

"Do you want a bai or wife?" Dear women, if someone just asked you whether you know cooking or not, it does not mean he wants a maid.

And we all being in our late twenties have mastered the art of cooking in some ways, I mean it is not rocket science after all, most men know how to cook these days. 

Can we be friends for six months and then decide? 'Friends', I hate this word. I mean this is an arranged marriage system, it has its pros and cons, we all have baggage from our own experiences that didn't work and so we chose the simpler option of going for an arranged marriage, just why do you want to add more complexity in this situation?

I guess with experience, a person gets a clearer picture of his or her expectations and the most important thing here is to be honest with each other right at the beginning. No need to involve everybody in the process and inform the whole society that we are seeing each other and then getting confused.

I guess the right to be confused is her birth right and as a true gentleman, you have to bear the expectations of her parents. You need to make their daughter fall in love within two or three meetings. I am forward yet traditional, such hypocrisy!

We all have been a part of the story, which is wonderful — the story of our parents — and I am sure that for most part of it, it was not a fairy tale. But, it taught us some very important aspects, like relationships work on trust, sacrifice, and love.

"I am a free bird, I like to do what I want, there should be no pressure to work after marriage, I would like to work till a point." Well this 'free bird' concept is something that I am unable to understand. Are we really free, free of all our responsibilities? How about if a guy says, he would like to leave his stable job and do a startup or he just wants to travel the world for a year.

Life is long enough to do everything but it requires planning and dedicated efforts of both partners to achieve their goals. That is how our parents were able to support us in all aspects till we were able to stand on our own two feet.

By now, I have met many girls, some were super excited; some really wanted a long term commitment before even starting anything, they had serious trust issues. If we just flip the coin, super excited men are termed as jerks "chaep kahin ka", and if we ask for time, we are termed as non-serious — somebody who just wants to sleep with you, "flirt kahin ka".

What I really look for in my life partner is someone, who says she'd like to buy a car for her parents rather than for herself. After all, we are all that our parents have. It is very important to realise that they are old now and they need the care, that we need to provide. I haven't met a single woman who had such thoughts!

I need someone, who understands that even boys are scared of the whole process and who takes an initiative to make him feel comfortable rather than just solely relying on the guy. A few comforting and encouraging words won't hurt, irrespective of the outcome.

I would love someone, who realises that additional responsibilities are bound to be shared by both partners. After all, I do like to get married only once and that too for the rest of my life till death parts us.

It's Money, Honey!

This is saddening. Women whine about how men want dowry, is it any less than what they want? Women, or shall I say their parents, nowadays want the guy to have a house, a car, and blah blah blah, that's only when they are gonna marry him. If the guy's family demand dowry then they whine about it. I am not saying dowry isn't wrong, it surely is, but as equally as girls wanting a husband who can provide them everything. Irony? Is It?

Women nowadays want their husbands to be good looking, tall and handsome. But at the same time, they lament, or become extremely feminist to the point of narcissism when a guy talks about how they want a beautiful wife. Irony? Is it?

Women nowadays want an independent life, they don't want to questioned from their guy, boyfriend, fiancee or husband as to what they are doing and why? Yet they want to be dependent on their guys in some way or the other. It's plain hypocrisy. Isn't it?

Women cry when a guy calls them fat, or ugly. But they won't think for a second calling a guy cheap or boring or ugly or for that matter a football, when they find him so. Hypocrisy. Isn't it?

It is crazy, how women would have us believe that they are the victims, that we break their hearts for sport. That's crap. They say they want romance, they say they want true love, but all they want is a check list. Is he perfect? Is he handsome? Is he a doctor or engineer? Is he earning in seven figures? Women nowadays don't want men who can romance, they want a carefully calculated set of venal choices. Money over substance, looks over soul, polished over principles. No gesture, no matter how real or romantic will ever compensate for a really impressive list of credentials. It is sad that in today's time love is more or less lost and lust has taken its place. Love needs people to invest time and effort in each other, which people don't want today, so they substitute it with lust, which is easy. Moreover, blue heart lasts ages but blue balls just few hours. Isn't it?

Being Skinny And Svelte!

Since the age I gained my senses I have been called names, "a matchstick", "an anorexic", "a skeleton" and what not.

While it may seem funny and pleasurable to some people to body shame others, such remarks break the one being targeted, from deep inside. I have been raised as a self-confident, self-loving girl and I am extremely in love with the way I look, or the way I live my life.

But the sarcastic remarks like "mumma kuch khilati nahi hai kya?", "tere hisse ka bhi bhai khaa jata hai kya?" hurt me a lot. It's like those people are questioning my way of life, my entire existence. Just because I am skinny and svelte doesn't mean that I don't eat, or that my mom doesn't feeds me, or that my brother eats my share of the food. My family is one of the best that one can ever wish for, they treat me as if I am the princess. It also doesn't mean that people have right to body shame me or pass snide and rude comments on my appearance.

I just want to clear it out to each and everyone (although I should not) that I eat a lot, may be more than you. I am thin and skinny because of my high metabolism, because I am very active and let my body consume all the calories I eat, or maybe it is some hormonal condition, or maybe I should not go into the details as to why I am thin or "lean" (as you call it), but I should let you know that I love the way I look and am adored by my family and close pals for what I am. And it really isn't very funny if you body shame me or someone else for that matter, as it speaks less about our eating habits and more about your upbringing.

Written By - Manvi Sharma
Edited By - Guy In The Blue Jean

How To Boost Your Career Growth

Being a job seeker can be quite monotonic and hectic. You wake up, search for jobs and apply, reach out to recruiters and hear nothing. And then you think, "I am doing everything I am supposed to do and still getting nowhere. What should I do?"

Here is what you should do to boost you career growth.

MAKE YOUR GOALS CLEAR AND REALISTIC

You can't simply say "I want a new job" and consider that to be your plan. An effective search needs to start with clear and realistic goals, which align your key skills and experience with your passions and long term career objectives.

DAZZLE YOUR RESUME

A recent research study found that on an average a resume has 6 seconds to make the right impression.

Before your resume reaches someone who understands your experience, it first gets past a 100's of search results and the HR representative who conducts the initial screenings. Make sure your resume incorporates the key terms and requirements found in your targeted jobs, that it is tailored to play up your relevant skills and experience.

APPLY ONLY TO RIGHT JOBS

Job descriptions are often the hiring manager's wish list for the dream candidate. While the employer probably doesn't expect you to have every single qualification, they do expect you to meet all the core 'must have' requirements. Only apply to jobs where you possess these must haves. Also, make sure you choose jobs that align with your goals, applying to jobs outside of your goals will dilute your personal brand and confuse employers.

BRANDISE YOUR SOCIAL PRESENCE

In today's mobile society, your personal brand must go beyond the physical resume and into the online world. Google your name, as it appears on your resume, and see what comes up. Make a list of every website where you have an account set up - including social media portals - and decide if it should be used for professional or personal use. Update your professional accounts to align with your resume and job goals by highlighting your relevant skill sets, experience and affiliations. Remember, the goal is to increase the size of your network and identify new people that can help move your search forward.

Right Way To Cleanse Face

There is a right way to facial cleaning, so your skin not only removes the dirt it accumulates but also helps keep clean.

Gone are the days when cleaning the face was just about splashing water and using a face wash. With so many new beauty techniques making it up for reads, and en number of drug store products put to use for beautification, there is now a step by step procedure to cleansing ones face. Here is a mini to do list to washing your face just the right way.

1. Take Off Your Makeup:

Yes, this is the rule number one. Washing a caked up face does no good. Use a makeup remover, baby oil or an oil-based cream to take off that makeup from your face.

2. Choosing The Right Product:

It is important that you use the right products depending on your skin type. If you have normal skin, you have the liberty to experiment with any product, but for a sensitive skin, use something that is gentle and does not bring about any break outs.

3. Take Time To Cleanse:

Moisten your face with lukewarm water, nothing too warm or else it can make the skin dry and also harm the skin. Then use a cleanser that suits your skin type to clean the face. Take cleanser on your fingers and rub gently in a circular motion all over your face, going your way up and into the hairline and also down past your jawline.

4. Wash It Right:

Washing the face more than once or twice can lead to irritation of the skin. If you're someone who sweats majorly, then maybe you can wash your face when you feel too much grime accumulation, also when you feel uncomfortable, but then again don't overdo it. Even after a rigorous workout session, washing the face is recommended. Otherwise, no matter what skin type you be, stick to washing the face just twice, in the morning and before you sleep at night.

Have a clean and glowing face.

Carrying On After Miscarriage

When 29 year Gurpreet Kaur suffered a miscarriage, she felt that her world had come crashing down.

Not only was it unexpected – the doctors had said hers was a perfect pregnancy - but she also blamed herself for the loss of her child.

Expert gynaecologists say there are several reasons for a miscarriage. "The commonest reason is nature's selection. It is believed that 75% of pregnancies end in miscarriages. But most go unrecognised. They happen so early that it looks like normal menstruation, though slightly delayed. Only about 15% to 20% miscarriages are clinically recognised." they say.


GENETIC FACTOR:
These account for about 50% of all clinically recognised early miscarriages. Here, the fetus is genetically or chromosomally defective. A vast majority of women end up having a normal pregnancy the next time. Occasionally, one parent may carry structurally abnormal genetic material, which may result in an abnormal offspring. Couples who suffer repeated miscarriages can opt for genetic testing of the fetus.

ANTIBODIES THREAT:
Some women have antibodies in their blood which may attack their own cells. Some of these antibodies may attack the placenta or lead to formation of clots in the blood that is supplied to the fetus. This may lead to slower fetus growth and eventual miscarriage. Auto antibodies usually cause fetal loss towards the third month of pregnancy or later.

ANATOMIC CAUSES:
Some women may have, from birth, a septum (wall) in the uterus. Some may have a 'double' or 'half' uterine cavity. Miscarriage may result from that, though it is not necessary. Very large fibroids, especially those which encroach upon the uterine cavity, may also hamper a successful pregnancy outcome. Sometimes, the cervix (the mouth of the uterus) opens in the second trimester, causing miscarriage.

BEWARE OF INFECTIONS:
Many a times, infections caused by the bacteria, viruses and other parasites have been seen causing pregnancy loss.

ENDOCRINE CAUSES:
Early pregnancy is interplay of multiple hormones, which work in balance to provide an ideal environment for the developing embryo. Some women with menstrual disturbances and Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) may have a higher risk of early pregnancy loss. Women with uncontrolled diabetes and thyroid disorders are also at a higher risk.

ENVIRONMENT'S ROLE:
Women need to be careful during the first trimester, because what she consumes orally or through her lungs may reach her unborn baby who is at a crucial stage of growth. Certain drugs, alcohol, smoking, excessive caffeine intake and stress may harm the fetus. Pregnant women should not undergo X-ray or CT scan, unless recommended by their gynaecologist.


A miscarriage is relatively common and difficult to prevent. Though the risk is higher in women with a history of more than one miscarriage, they can still conceive. With proper care, avoiding risk factors - smoking and drinking - and understanding what causes a miscarriage, they can plan their pregnancy under a doctor's supervision.

Experts recommend waiting for atleast one menstrual cycle - after a miscarriage - before trying to conceive. Make sure you and your partner are physically and emotionally fit before you plan a baby.

COPING UP:
Every woman's ability to cope with a stressful situation differs. They need to give themselves time and space to grieve. They may decide to take time off from work, involve themselves in prayer or spiritual practices, revive an old hobby, or take up a new one. The woman's family needs to make her feel that they are with her. Mostly, partners should support each other and usually, a miscarriage brings them closer.

In most cases, physical recovery takes only a few hours to a couple of days. Emotional healing takes longer. Losing a baby can be heart wrenching. You may feel angry, sad and depressed. Give yourself time to get over it.


KNOW MORE...

• Uncontrolled diabetes, infections, hormonal imbalance, and problems related to cervix or uterus can lead to miscarriage.
• A woman who has suffered one miscarriage has a 15% chance of suffering another one.
• After two losses, the risk rises to 30%. After three miscarriages, it may rise upto 45%.
• Healthcare professionals play an important role in the coping process. Doctors should answer couples' queries sensitively and provide all relevant information.
• A woman might experience fatigue, loss of interest in everything, body ache, lack of sleep or excess sleep, loss of appetite, mood swings and depression after miscarriage.

I hope this writeup will enlighten each and every couple about miscarriages, and motivate them to take proper precautions during pregnancy, and healthy babies are born to them. And, if unfortunately miscarriage happens, then they are able to cope up with it.

Kind Of People

The law of energy conservation states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed but can be changed from one form to another. For instance, chemical energy (of petrol) can become kinetic energy (of automobiles). There is no conflict or effort needed when energy is made to pass from source to destination in its current form. The difficulty arises only when it has to be converted from one form to another. Once these energies are controlled and directed in a desire way, they improve our physical conveniences.

Extending this law to our own consciousness, we come to observe that the law works the same way in all the dimensions. In non awareness, people do not respond but react to negativity, they dislike and nurture it for some time and then propagate it to others in the same form. The next receiver follows the same formula and there is a chain reaction.

Realised sages who are wise and have the power of discrimination could help us convert negativity into positivity. Here also the law works similarly and you first face intense resistance. The blueness of sky is an optical illusion, similarly the negativity we experience is also a delusion because essentially thee exists the same positivity within. However, just as an inebriated person enjoys his deluded mind, the ignorant enjoy their pathetic condition. The ignorant would take their own sweet time to understand the reality based on their nature and knowledge but thoughtful people must keep influencing them - preferably by example - not to tread the wrong path based on conditioning and pleasure.

The deluded or the ignorant would try to achieve any goal with less physical, mental or spiritual effort. They lack restraint and are unable to comprehend the feelings of others, they are arrogant and lethargic.

The wise, on the other hand would always follow sage suggestions knowingly or unknowingly and display pure qualities like a penetrating intellect, alertness and fearlessness. The wise are always focused on bettering their surroundings and fellow beings.

Generally, everyone looks up to the wise and pure kind of people but finds oneself following the deluded group on account of fear and misplaced attachments which causes them to be fragmented from within. Such people can be invariably seen engaging in pointless arguments and nothing else. When they are tormented enough they comfort themselves by deriving good qualities from outside like movies, exciting trips and some vague experiences. But what is not their nature and inner calling will not soothe them for long and their life will not be vibrant until they start living using a wise and fearless nature.

Ultimately, we have three kinds of people with three different goals. The deluded group says : This is my duty to do and spread negativity and I enjoy doing it to the core.

The wise group says : This is my duty to do and spread positivity and I enjoy doing that to the fullest.

The general group says : This is my duty to save what I have, I enjoy being motivated by the wise ones and feel scared of the deluded ones.

We all interact and conflict with these different kinds of people at work, home and any other situation. These conflicts have been there for long and are likely to continue into eternity. The purpose of discussing these issues could be seen as a way to introduce us to our real nature. The only expectation is to live our life in unbroken awareness, spontaneity and vibrancy. If we are overflowing with positivity then we must charge the neutrals and help the negatives to be atleast neutral.